Plan B
by raynesupreme
Summary: Jayne devises two drastic plans to deal with the perplexing problem that is River Tam. One-shot. Post-BDM. Please review.


Jayne knew he weren't one for strategy but this weren't gonna just fix itself. And it weren't the type of thing he could bring up with anyone, not even his Ma. He'd just have to figure this one out by hisself is all. He needed a plan, maybe two because who the hell knows what'll happen when the moonbrain is involved.

As he looked around his bunk, he figured Vera was as good a place to start as any. She weren't his favorite gun fer' nothin'. Sure, he's been good about taken care of her but that's only 'cause she's so damn fine at taken care of him. Hell, Vera saved his ass more times than he could count. Seemed like this situation shouldn't be no different. Alrighty then. Vera was Plan A.

Mixing Vera with the moonbrain was nothin' but deadly. The crew wouldn't like it none but screw it! Desperate times, desperate measures and all that. Vera could blow a hole the size of a melon clear through any man, or woman. Vera was a might right solution for this little problem. Ain't no one gonna convince him otherwise. Weren't plannin' on sharin' anyhow so it weren't gonna matter. He'd just let Vera speak fer' herself when the time came.

Jayne took a moment to think on the lil' Crazy's reaction when she got all up-close-and-personal to Vera. Them girls were both killin' machines and it was probably only right they got introduced proper. And Jayne was just the man to do it. He smiled at the thought.

Plus, damn Crazy deserved it. All the twirlin', and flirtin', and makin' him feel things he ain't got no business to. But her kissin' on him last night? That just sealed her fate. She probably don't even know what she'd done with that little kiss. No matter. Jayne couldn't let her think she had his number. No sir-ee. Time for some changes round here. And he was just the man to do it. Yup, Vera was Plan A.

Man needs to prep before goin' into battle, that much he'd learned long ago. That's why he'd always sought out booze and women whenever he could. No knowin' when it was gonna be yer' last.

Mal told him to be back by now but Jayne couldn't blame himself for indulgin' in a bit of the town's finest whiskey before prepping for Plan B. Jayne had thought it up a few days ago, but hadn't had a chance to do nothin' 'bout it 'til they hit planetside. So, he'd be late. Big deal. Mal weren't gonna be none too happy with him soon anyways so Jayne figured a bit more anger shoved his way was probably worth it.

Jayne pushed through the door and smiled at all the beauties lined up in front of him. Man like him, large and intimidating, holdin' a bag of coin like he had, sure got more than his fair share of attention in a place like this. He stepped up to the proprietor and glared at all the bits of shiny on display.

"Welcome sir," said the weasel-faced man. "What can I help you with today?"

"Need one of yer' fine lookin' beauties over there. But I don't need no talkin' at, just give me a minute to look and we'll settle up right quick."

Jayne stepped forward and eyed the little one on the left. Kinda delicate lookin'. He never was one fer' delicate and so glanced at the sparkly-lookin' one next in line. Pretty enough to be sure but the kind of pretty everyone expected. Jayne never figured himself to take was expected. Now the next one had promise. Strong, solid sort. Could probably hold up in a tussle if it came to it. Definitely an option. But apparently they had saved the best for last 'cause one look and he knew the last in line would be perfect. Solid looking, like her neighbor, but kinda earthy and full of fiery spark. Jayne always liked things that could pack a punch and this little beauty was no exception.

Jayne quickly traded his coin for his purchase before anyone else could snatch her up. He grabbed onto her curves viciously, almost losin' himself in how damn shiny she was. Damn fine piece of Plan B if he did say so hisself.

Jayne had staked out a strategic position at the dining table. Everyone was already tucked up in their bunks, everyone except the crazy-girl pilot. He knew from experience that she came in 'bout his time to get a late night snack. What she didn't know was that he was gonna be there waiting fer' her.

Tonight, he was gonna end this…one way or the other.

Vera was laid out on the table, within easy reach. He kind of regretted that she had to be drug into this kind of mess, but then again, she was a loyal weapon and simply did what she was told…unlike some other girl weapon he could think of.

And that in itself was the issue, weren't it? The other girl weapon. He just couldn't stop thinking about her, no matter what he tried. He couldn't stop staring at her. Didn't matter if she was just eatin', or fightin', or sittin' quiet with her giant-ass books. He'd memorized the exact color of her lips and could practically feel the softness of her hair from across the room. The sound of her laughin' literally took his breath away and Jayne figured that just weren't healthy for a man his age. And on the occasions she took to chattin' up some young pup out in town, Jayne actually thought he'd explode with fury. What made it all worse though, the thing that made him want to end this torture once and for all? One kiss. One secret, all-consuming, near deadly kiss.

Jayne shook his head at the memory. His fingers were actually numb from just aching to touch her again. That ain't good. She was a damn menace and Jayne aimed to do somethin' about it. Somethin' drastic. Plan A or Plan B. Either would work.

He grabbed up Vera and stood as he heard her trail down the steps to the kitchen.

"Girl, you and me gotta get some things settled, dong ma?"

"Jayne," she smiled. "What are you doing? It's late."

Jayne aimed Vera at her loosely and motioned her toward the table. "Take a seat, princess. It's 'bout time you heard me out."

He noticed immediately that she didn't even look scared or nothin'. Damn fool girl. Didn't even have the smarts to be afraid of a growling gun-toting merc! She just moved to the chair closest to him and sat down gracefully. Jayne sat down next to her but kept Vera clasped in his fists.

"Do you got no sense in the head of yours at all, girlie? Do you know all yer' playin' with me has now gotcha into a heap of trouble?"

Jayne watched as her little pink lips curled up and she dared to flutter her long brown eyelashes at him. Was she feng le enough to try to flirt with him at a time like this?

"Way I figure it, Crazy. The way things stand just ain't healthy. Somethin's gotta change and it seems I'm the one to have to do it."

"Jayne, did you know you are so cute when you're mad? It's very masculine and very arousing. I just want to nibble at that little frown of yours and turn it upside down."

"Gorram it, girl. Pay attention!"

Time for Plan A. Jayne lifted Vera up and aimed her straight at Crazy's head.

She blinked.

"Vera here is unmatched in this 'verse. Now, while I stopped countin' a while ago, she's killed dozens of men. She's a right fine weapon and she'll do right by anyone holdin' her."

Blink.

His finger tightened slightly around the trigger.

Blink.

"She's yours if you agree to leave the ship."

There he said it. He thrust the gun toward the girl and prayed she take it.

"Wait, you'll give me Vera if I leave?"

"Yeah, sure. I figure it's a good trade."

"You….you….want me to leave? I don't understand."

Jayne noticed tears cloud the girl's eyes. She hung her head, her silky hair hiding her face and it weren't too long before the snifflin' started. Gorram it. So much for Plan A! He set Vera down gently on the table and leaned forward to the girl. He gently lifted her chin with his fist and pushed the hair from her face with the other.

"River. That's the point. I know you don't understand. You have no idea how crazy you make me. Hell, ain't a day goes by on this ship that I ain't wantin' to touch you. And ain't a night goes by that I ain't wantin' to do more. I don't know how you did it, girl, but you got under my skin and, if you're not gonna get off this boat then somethin' is gonna have ta' change." He sighed deeply at his confession. "I ain't never hurt this bad from wantin' something and I think it's killing me."

He felt her lips on his before he even registered she was moving. He grasped her to him with a violence that almost scared him. She crawled into his lap and grabbed viciously at his hair. He thought his heart might pound through his chest but as her tongue caressed his everything in him seemed to settle and slow. He moaned at the perfection of it and then whined as she suddenly tore her lips away.

"Jayne?"

He could only stare into her eyes. They were full of fire and heat. His hands were trailing through her hair and he couldn't seem to make them stop.

"Jayne? Do you think it's possible that you love me?"

Jayne tilted his head to fit into the crook of her neck. He bit gently at her skin while inhaling the scent of her, the exact scent that had been driving him mad for months. He nibbled at her earlobe, stalling a moment while he prepared for Plan B. He lifted his head away from her neck and took a cleansing breath. He pushed her off him gently and set her back into her own seat.

"River Tam, I think it's more than likely that I love ya'. And that's where we seem ta' have a problem. Ya' see, if you're not gonna leave the ship, then something drastic is gonna have to change. You can't be distractin' me from my duties and I can't be worryin' about you every time you're outta my sight. Ain't no one on this boat gonna let a hun dan like me take advantage of someone as pure as you and I can't honestly say they'd be wrong to keep us apart." Jayne reached into his pocket. "Looks to me like there is only one way to fix this."

He grabbed her left hand and slipped the beautiful little ruby ring onto her finger. Her finger now blazed sparks of fire just like the rest of her. He dared a glance into her eyes. The passion and love he saw there shocked him beyond all belief.

"River, you are one crazy, beautiful, brilliant firebrand of a woman and I can't think of anything I could do smarter in my whole life than making you my wife. I promise I'll take care of you and protect you and I will try to make you happy every day." He kissed her hand. "Will you marry me?"

Jayne figured the lap full of girl kissin' on him was answer enough. He pushed Vera out of the way as he stretched his amazing fiancé on the table in front of him. The sight of her was positively breathtaking and he figured he must be the luckiest man alive to have her as his own.

"Hey, beautiful, do me a favor?"

"Anything," she cooed.

"Whenever I get my mind to making plans for us again, remind me that my Plan As suck ass."


End file.
